Finding Krystle

I think about this so often... I want to come out here and just write, but I never do, because the more I think about it, the more I think about what I want to write about, the more I think about this or that... the more overwhelming it becomes... and then I just throw in the towel and tell myself I'll do it another day.

Guess what?

That other day doesn't ever usually arrive. Hence my first post on 8/1... I had high hopes and desires to be back here SOON, as in within a few days of that post to actually knock out a few posts, within a few day span, to you know, interest readers (even though I know that the likelihood of anyone finding this is slim to none... still, a girl can pretend) and make them want to come back for more.

I struggle with this a lot. I get all these big gigantic hopes, dreams, aspirations, and big fun exciting thoughts and ideas that are just so incredible and I'm going to do this and that and this and that, and start here and yada yada yada... and then, it just all of a sudden comes to a screeching halt. I'm so good at this, it's horrible and draining. Mentally exhausting.

I love to write. Love it. But, I psych myself up so much that I'm going to do so much of this or that, or write about this or that... that I overthink the entire thing and my internal thought process literally just crashes. Completely shuts down. It shuts down until about a week later when I'm starting to grasp at what I was thinking about before... and then the entire process repeats... I get overwhelmed and crash.

I do that with so much of my life.

I start school... go gung-ho for a few weeks... and then I get bored with it, or forget why I was so passionate about it in the first place... and it all comes to a stop.

I get this big extravagant idea that I'm going to create posters and stuff and sell them on Etsy. I do that for a while and then I lose my focus and splat. Bored. Then each order feels like a chore. And that's not what I want.

I love doing things that I know are going to help people. I wish there was a way for me to do stuff for others that required I not be paid for it. Wait, that didn't come outright. I say that because I often do better when I don't have any expectations in front of me. I do better when I know someone isn't paying me to do something - because then it feels like I have to live up to someone else's expectations. Whereas if I am not getting paid, for one, I feel better about what I'm doing, and two, I can truly feel my creativity flowing. I WANT to do more, I WANT to impress someone, I WANT to continue what I'm doing because I KNOW they're going to appreciate exactly what I'm doing for them... ESPECIALLY if they don't have to pay for it.

Whyyyyyyy couldn't I win the lottery so I don't ever have to charge anyone for anything?

Anyway, this is such a rambling post... I know... a million things combined in one... but, it's been kind of a brain dump and I guess, well... Finding Krystle... I guess that's the whole purpose of having this blog... I need to write whatever I need to write, in order to find the Krystle that I want to find.

More soon, friends... more soon... eh!  (Cross your fingers it's not 5-6 weeks again like the last time).

Keep Smiling!
 - Krystle